A letter to her.

When I saw you ,I felt privileged at realizing the opportunity that was given to me to get a glimpse of you even for a second.
I was given the opportunity to look at the beauty and elegance at its best and I appreciate you giving me the opportunity, I am thankful for that.
Your class seemed so above mine that I didn’t even dare to say hi to you as I presumed it would hurt yourself-esteem and that  would upset you and I would have guilty conscience for hoping for miracle to happen.But
I liked how you stood there ,danced ,swung your hair,jumped a little to match the rhythm of the music,your hands in the air ,as you hair fell on your shoulders and sometimes on your face and you moved it away with a little irritation in your eyes.
I didn’t like the fact that everyone was looking at you as I know none of them matched your standards .When they were gazing at you ,it might have scared you for a while.But what you don’t know is,you were protected more than anyone else there because If someone were to make you uneasy and harass you,every guy would be dying to grab an opportunity to impress you by intervening and protecting you from the humans who would make you uncomfortable.
I didn’t have the courage to walk up to you and ask you your name,but I will call you Angela.
How you made me jealous when a guy asked you if you could take a picture of him with his buddy and you smiled and took his phone from his hands ,I saw your finger touched his.After you snapped their picture once ,the guy walked up to you to see the picture taken and he asked you to re-take it and you did it happily.Again your fingers touched his when he grabbed his phone from your hands.I was a little upset and jealous ,I wouldn’t want to hurt a guy I don’t even know but I would assume getting his picture taken was just an excuse to talk to you.I don’t know what feelings and emotions were going through your heart and mind or his heart and mind but I was burning from inside.I stood there still, with my hands in my pocket and a couple of girls dancing not too far away from me looked at me and probably made fun of me thinking what is this guy doing standing with his hands in his pocket at a night club.But Angela let them mock me ,I know that I was having more fun stealing glances at you than them dancing.They are too innocent to realize that but don’t worry Angela as that doesn’t bother me.I am only hurt by people I admire.

There was a time when you danced very close to me ,my heart raced and I pretended that I was calm and composed.I pretended that I was enjoying the party ,grooving to the music but you don’t know I was trying to hide my nervousness.I don’t know if your friends ever told you that I was looking at you intently.

After you left the club, I was at a pizza joint just a block away and I was sitting there on the chair looking out the window thinking about the experience I had and suddenly you happen to walk by with your friends across the street.
I tried to stay calm at that time ,but my heart raced and again couldn’t gather enough courage to speak with you.By this time I must agree that it had become even more difficult for me to talk to you,as when I was in the club
you probably didn’t notice me but your friends did and I didn’t want them or you to think that I was waiting there outside for you to come out ,but it just happened co-incidentally or fortunately for me.Lightning struck twice that night.

Angela I must admit that I am nervous in front of people I perceive to be more powerful and superior than me , I am introvert and would also feel a little inferior standing in front of you.
I wonder what you sound like Angela,in my fantasies I have tried my best to come up with accurate representation of what your voice may sound like.

I came back home in a car sitting on a passenger seat,that means I was able to concentrate on thinking about you and I didn’t have to place any of my concentration on driving , there was nothing to distract me away from you .
Normally even when I am on the passenger seat,I tend to look carefully in front and check for all the traffic and advise the driver if I feel the need to but on that night on my way back home I was neither worried nor cared
about my safety.After I saw you that night,I have been to a few places and seen a few women from behind who resembled you ,thought it would be you so I walked up to them to get a closer look but was met with upsetting reality to find out
that it wasn’t you.
I will never forget the night I saw you and the drinks I had in my hand tasted somewhat more intoxicating probably because I was looking at your moves and how you danced carelessly as I was sipping on my drinks.
I agree that your league ,standards,class may be way above mine but I would like to be able to hear your voice,I only know what you look like and I am curious to know what you sound like.Otherwise this will be like just
another movie from really old times when there was no sound in them.I don’t know what your preferences are ,whether you look for wealth,physical attractiveness ,intelligence,intellect,personality ,dressing sense,taste for
food,class or a bit of everything in a person.I think I look decent but then again that’s according to my standards.
When I was about five,my dad had taught me something,he said Son never go after things you can’t achieve but that is counter intuitive to me and I want to ask him a question. Dad ,How do you know in your foresight that
you won’t be able to achieve something? Angela, do you know that I have never argued my with dad ,but I really want to ask him on this quote as now I am growing skeptical of his quote.There have been numerous occasions
in the past where I was trying to accomplish something and I reminded myself of his quote when I failed but I don’t quite agree with that quote on this one.I respect him in every way but in this case I stand against him.
Will you smile at me Angela if you saw me walking down the street and our paths crossed,at a bus stop,at a bar,at a club,at a coffee shop , at a library(when I feel empty from within I read and write),at my workplace?

Do you know that it has already been over three months but if someone gave me sketches of 100 women who look very similar to you and one of them is actually yours,I will still be able to recognize you out of those 100.
I have matured now and learned how to not cry over things that are out of our reach.I have learned to not fantasize too much,I know that reality must meet with present.I am learning to forget you,forgive me if it takes me a
while.I know where I belong, who I deserve but in the future if I ever see you and am not able to resist talking to you,please be nice,don’t hurt me.Everything you say is correct and will be accepted and taken at a face value.

I captured those moments in my memory which will never fade in the years to come.I hope you’re doing fine and enjoying your life.Thank you again for presenting the opportunity to me ,I was exhilarated.


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