Learning English for no reason.

How many words have you learned from classic books?

I went to a school where I studied everything in Gujarati medium ( a mother-tongue in a western state of India called Gujarat) .Meaning of all the subjects that were there in the syllabus of k-12 grades, there were only two subjects whose books were not printed in Gujarati language. One is Sanskrit and the other is English .That English subject was of lowest low level even in my 12th grade,meaning the type of English that a kid in English speaking country would learn at the age of 5 or 6 .

Whenever I read a book there’s a long list of words that are unknown to me,even if the book is not classic and it’s just about 200 pages long.

This makes me wonder one thing, how I will be able to get a good paying job specially when I reside in a country like U.S.A..

I just like anyone else am not willing do the menial job for the rest of my life.

I write the unknown words down in a separate notebook that I keep with me , but then I wonder how many words am I going to have to write down with each book that I read. Sometimes I don’t even care to write the words down anymore as I feel that this is too much and I am striving for something almost impossible.

But what am I actually striving for???

To be fluent in English?

To learn as many words as I can?

To be able to speak like native English speakers?

Do native English speakers also know some or most or all of these words that I don’t know?
Am I feeling inferior to fluent English speakers? Do I just wanna be like them , so I can see myself confidently and say with pride that I am fluent in English language? Do I just wanna set myself apart from all the immigrants because I have been living in this country called U.S.A. for over a decade now and I feel that now I belong to a different group. Do I feel that I belong to a group of people who are fluent ? But I don’t even speak as fluent as them? Do I fell that people who speak English fluent are classy and well settled compared to people with broken English?

Whenever I go Universities like Stanford or U.C. Berkeley to visit and be a part of the campus tour , I see some students who clearly look like they were born and raised here , they are very well groomed , beautiful looking , attractive, they are very trendy and fashionable , I get the strong urge and undying desire to fit in that group. 

Why do I wanna set myself apart from my own kind? Is it just because of lack of fluency and proficiency with English language?
Will I ever be able to speak like the native people? 

I wonder how some immigrants manage to hold such prestigious positions in the corporate world. They also came from India and other countries where English is not the primary language but they are doing amazingly well in their own field. For example the dean of Harvard University Rakesh Khurana , he migrated from India at young age and is now doing great in the business and education world.

Sundar Pichai migrated from India after completing his degree at I.I.T. Kharagpur University and is now the chief of Google Inc.

Will I ever be able to speak in English language in front of masses of people . 

 Just because I don’t know English as well as native speakers , does it mean I have no chances of being able to make a good career or having a white collar Job in America?

I have seen first hand some people who own houses in America and their English is plain broken , people who own businesses , hold managerial positions and supervise native English speakers but their own English is well… not that good.

I don’t go to school now, I have gone a couple of community colleges in the past but didn’t do very well in classes. Brought down my G.P.A. to significantly low level , but that wasn’t because of English language in fact I understood about 95% of all the words that were said during lectures by professors in a classroom and understood about 80% of all the words that were printed in text books.But then what kept me from getting good grades? 


I was so depressed and I still am equally depressed that I didn’t even have a want or a desire to enjoy my life. I didn’t even make any friends , In my history of residing in America I don’t remember one time going to a movie with a friend , yes I have gone to movies alone but never with someone I can call a friend.

On my birthday I never got a call from someone wishing me a Happy Birthday greeting message.

Why so dejected though? Why carry melancholy all the time? Why must I belong to the certain group of people , why is there a strong and urgent need to become proficient in English language?

Why can I just not be happy with the amount of English I know? I know Knowing more English will not help me to make more money.But is it true ,logical and accurate to assume that Knowing more English will not help me to make more money?

Maybe I will become a more qualified candidate to hold a white collar position regardless of my technical skills and abilities.Now when I look at all the Immigrants who migrated from non-English speaking countries and did astonishingly well in America , I see one thing common in all of them which is their strong command over English language.  

Is the life in America all about English test? Where how you do in the test decides the type of person you are , the type of career and lifestyle you’ll have and the type of friends you’ll make?

The books that I read and have uncommon and new words (new meaning new to me whose meaning and definition I don’t know) are something that depress me and motivate me to learn more.

It is actually none of that , I know anyone can succeed in America regardless of age,race,gender,religion they follow and the most or the least importantly their fluency with English language.

I just feel that when you speak English very fluently you appear to be very smart and intelligent and I believe and know that when I am able to speak English which is grammatically correct and is fluent I will be able to carry myself with pride and confidence.

Nothing else matters to me in my life , I am ready and willing to give away anything that I currently possess in return for fluency with English language. 

Whenever I hear someone speaking very fluent English , I get a whole new level of respect,admiration and love for them.

Am I imbecile? Maybe .

But that’s how my mind works and that’s how I see people.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s